THE J SPOT

THE J SPOT

Cultivating an Erotic State of Mind

Cultivating an Erotic State of Mind

Rediscovering the Power of Eros in Everyday Life

Rediscovering the Power of Eros in Everyday Life

The Erotic: Misunderstood and Reclaimed

In 1978, feminist poet Audre Lorde penned the groundbreaking essay "Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power." Lorde's work sought to liberate eroticism from cultural misinterpretations, presenting it as an innate resource within each of us. She drew a crucial distinction between the erotic and the pornographic, noting that while pornography "emphasises sensation without feeling," the erotic is about "how acutely and fully we can feel in the doing."

This differentiation invites us to explore a deeper dimension of our experiences. While sensation is often triggered by external stimuli, genuine feelings and emotions stem from the desires of our minds. By tapping into our erotic knowledge, we can align our actions with what truly makes us feel alive, empowered by our authentic wants rather than societal expectations.

Expanding the Erotic Horizon

Psycho-sex therapist Esther Perel further develops this concept, advocating for an erotic state of mind as a means to broaden our sensory perception and engage more fully with the world. This approach encourages us to be receptive, willing, open, and responsive to life's myriad experiences.

By cultivating our erotic imagination, we frame our lives from a perspective of desire—a perspective that is uniquely our own. This shift allows us to move beyond merely reacting to others' desires and instead proactively shape our experiences based on our innermost wants and needs.

In her book "Play It As It Lays," Joan Didion writes of a generation "made ill by too much freedom." However, perhaps it's not freedom itself that ails us, but rather a numbness brought on by constant external stimulation—what Lorde might term the "pornographic" aspects of our culture.

Perel argues that engaging with our erotic selves can be the remedy for this modern malaise. By reconnecting with our capacity for eroticism, we can rediscover a "sense of aliveness, vibrancy, and vitality" that may have been dulled by the overstimulation of contemporary life.


To cultivate an erotic state of mind, consider these approaches:

Embrace Languid Time: Prioritise long lunches, leisurely conversations, and moments of quiet contemplation. Allow yourself the luxury of daydreaming and unhurried experiences.

Re-engage Your Senses: Practise mindfulness techniques that bring you into the present moment through sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell.

Explore Your Desires: Whether through partnered experiences, self-reflection, or creative expression, ask yourself: "What turns me on? What turns me off?" Journal your thoughts and feelings to deepen your self-understanding.

Grant Yourself Permission: Allow yourself to pursue activities and experiences that bring you joy and fulfilment. Remember, owning your desires is intimately connected to your sense of self-worth.

As Perel emphasises, "to own something, there needs to be a sovereign self that is free to choose, and, of course, feels worthy of wanting and feels worthy of receiving." By cultivating an erotic state of mind, we not only enrich our sensual experiences but also affirm our inherent worthiness and capacity for joy.

Embracing the erotic isn't about constant stimulation or fleeting pleasures. Rather, it's about deepening our connection to ourselves, others, and the world around us. It's a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and ultimately, a more vibrant way of being.